


Stupefy

by cridecoeur



Series: Lumos [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-05
Updated: 2011-11-05
Packaged: 2017-10-25 17:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/272871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cridecoeur/pseuds/cridecoeur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dueling shouldn't be humorous - particularly when the other person involved in the duel is a dark wizard. A pitched battle, involving several dark wizards ambushing just a few members of the Order should be even less so. And John believes that, up until he sees Sherlock and Sirius fighting at the same time.</p><p>As it turns out they never stop competing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupefy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amanda](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Amanda), [doughnutlove](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=doughnutlove).



> Wow, this only took me way too long for what it is. So, fill piece! Amanda wanted Sherlock saying John would have been a Hufflepuff and doughnutlove wanted more Sirius, so I went with the obvious choice in combining those two and... wrote about Sherlock and Sirius' point system for fighting Death Eaters. Yeah, I don't know, either, guys. Sometimes these things just happen. Warnings for _least realistic battle scene ever_. I'm pretty sure if you chattered this much in an actual battle you would all die messily. But this is the Lumos series so honestly does realism even matter? Not really.

Dueling shouldn't be humorous - particularly when the other person involved in the duel is a dark wizard. A pitched battle, involving several dark wizards ambushing just a few members of the Order should be even less so. And John believes that, up until he sees Sherlock and Sirius fighting at the same time.

As it turns out they _never_ stop competing.

John is hiding, on the edges of the battle, and keenly missing his gun, when he hears Sirius shout, "That's one for me!" and Sherlock shout back, "That doesn't bloody count! Lily hit him first," and John's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. He peeks over the car he’s hiding behind to find Sherlock repeatedly casting Protegos interspersed with what sounds like Confringos and something that lights the night up, golden, followed by something that flashes red and then orange and makes the Death Eater he’s fighting fall down, clutching at his chest and screaming, right before Sherlock stuns him.

"One for me!" Sherlock says, immediately. Sirius shouts back. "I saw that! That was dark magic! It doesn't count, either!"

Sherlock tucks and rolls hastily to avoid a spell he can’t cast in time to volley. "Just because you have some absurd moral - " and then cuts himself off as he has to cast another Protego followed by the golden spell again. Behind him, Lily makes a hideously complicated motion with her wand and the Death Eater she’s fighting turns into a goose. A bloody confused looking goose. Which is fair; John would be confused, too, if he was suddenly transfigured into water fowl.

"Is that one for me?" she calls, and Sirius says, cheerfully, "Sod off, Lily, this is just between me and Regulus.”

"She's doing a great deal better than you are," Sherlock says, "She's got three," and Sirius immediately falls flat against the ground - dueling involves a lot more falling down and tucking and rolling than John would have expected; apparently wizards aren’t above ducking - Sherlock steps in front of him and shouts, "Protego Horribilus!" deflecting a spell that lights up silver and flashes back against the Death Eater who had cast it. They crumple to the ground and don't get up again.

"That's two," Sherlock says, and Sirius says, “Yeah, alright," grudgingly, then casts a stunner against the Death Eater James is fighting, with enough emotion behind it to send them flying - possibly pure resentment.

"Don't even think about it, he was fighting James," Sherlock says, immediately, and Sirius shoots back, "You make up bloody rules as you go."

"Adaptation is a prime directive of - " Sherlock starts, then has to cast another Protego, as a truly enormous Death Eater attempts to stun him.

"Use as many big words as you want, it's bloody cheating," Sirius says, before pointing his wand at a bunch of lawn flamingos that immediately animate and flock on a Death Eater; Sirius stuns him as he falls about trying to get away from them.

Alright that one is actually pretty funny.

"That one counts!" Sirius says and now Sherlock sounds grudging when he says, "Fine. But I'm still ahead."

"Not for long," Sirius says and casts a spell so silver-bright, John has to cover his eyes in order to not be blinded. When he looks back, the Death Eater Sirius has been fighting has been Petrified.

"Oh, you'll take away points for dark magic and then do that," Sherlock says, sounding disgusted. "Now who's cheating?" then casts the golden spell again, catching the giant Death Eater off balance enough that his hastily-cast shielding charm shatters and he goes staggering backwards. Sherlock stuns him, neatly, which leaves one Death Eater that all four of them - James and Lily, Sirius and Sherlock - stun almost simultaneously. Which pretty effectively takes care of him.

"Three to two," Sherlock says, smugly, "I win."

"I still think the first one should count," Sirius says, sounding resentful.

"Nonsense," Sherlock says. "Interference invalidates the result. And if that should count, then my first should, as well.”

“You used bloody dark magic,” Sirius says… er, darkly. “You’re just lucky Dumbledore wasn’t here to see.”

“I think I would survive the lecture,” Sherlock says. “And I’ve been looking for a way to get him to leave off telling me I should have been in Gryffindor for months. Perhaps that would help.”

Sirius actually smirks at that; he’s more given to his reckless smiles, but John is fairly certain that smirk is common to being a Black. “Face it, Reggie,” he says, and Sherlock cuts across him with a, “ _Do not_ call me that,” but Sirius is as good at ignoring him as Sherlock is at ignoring… pretty much everyone else. “You’ve got a bit of Gryffindor in you.”

“I dearly hope that is not innuendo,” Sherlock says.

“Nah,” Sirius said, “John didn’t go to Hogwarts.”

Sherlock levels a really impressive glare at him.

“Suppose I would have been a Gryffindor, then?” John says, and they all turn around to look at him, like they’d forgotten he was there. Which is fair, since he was hiding behind a car and all that. Not his finest moment.

“Sure you would - “ Sirius starts, but Sherlock cuts him off with a short, “Hufflepuff.”

A moment of awkward silence follows in which everyone looks at Sherlock and then looks at John, and then back again. John blinks.  
“Wait,” he says, “the one that’ll take anybody?” Sherlock looks over at him, quirking an eyebrow, as if he is feeling too superior at the moment to waste time on a sarcastic well spotted, John. “I… can’t tell if that’s an insult or not,” John admits - on the one hand, Sherlock is never subtle with his insults, and if that was meant to be one, he wouldn’t have hesitated to elaborate upon it, on whatever defect of character would make that choice appropriate. On the other hand, Hufflepuff.

Lily’s mouth twitches. A slow smile spreads over James’ face. Sirius, of course, starts laughing like a lunatic, which he does a great deal - anytime he’s not in Grimmauld Place, at least, where he mostly looks as if he’d like to set the drapery on fire (John is fairly certain Sirius tried that at least once during his childhood, if not more than once; there are suspicious burn marks in the most unexpected places).

Sherlock makes a scornful noise in Sirius’ general direction but, otherwise, doesn’t acknowledge his hysterics. “Loyalty, John,” Sherlock says, “You show uncommon loyalty in the face of a number of events which should have driven you away. You have stood by me when no one else would. You are brave, but bravery alone would not have seen you here. Your loyalty has.”

Sirius stops laughing. He’s giving Sherlock a bit of an odd look, like he’s not quite sure what his feelings are doing. It’s probably for the best Sherlock is ignoring him, because Sirius actually looks a bit soft around the edges, at the moment. Granted, that’s probably the most sentimental thing Sherlock has ever said to John or to anyone else, as long as John has known him. So John can sort of see why

“Huh,” John says. “So it was a compliment.”

“Yes,” Sherlock says. “It was a compliment.” He looks a bit as if saying something so obvious actually causes him pain.

“Well, alright then,” John says, and then gives one of the felled Death Eaters a good kick in the side. “Suppose we should do something about this lot.”

“We’ll need to let Dumbledore know,” Lily says, and raises her wand as if she about to do - actually John’s not sure what, but Sirius puts a hand out to stop her.

“Hey, Reggie,” he says, apparently done having feelings about Sherlock - once more Sherlock say “ _Do not_ call me that” and once more Sirius ignores him - “Why don’t you send him a message with your _Patronus_.”

Sherlock simply glares at him.

“What’s wrong with his Patronus?” James says, looking between them, and Sherlock cuts across with a “Do _not_ answer that,” which of course Sirius ignores, like he ignores everything else Sherlock says, really.

“It’s John,” he says, and Sherlock makes a wordless noise of fury.

“Aww,” Lily says, after a moment. “That’s actually really sweet.”

Sherlock looks a bit as if someone stuck a lemon in his mouth and also as if he’d like to hex everyone around him. “Next time,” he says, “I’m going to watch while they kill you all,” and then stomps off a bit, probably to have himself a good, childish sulk.

The Wizarding world doesn’t do much for Sherlock’s maturity. Not that the Muggle world did either.

“You know, I think he’s getting a lot better,” Lily says.

“How do you figure?” John says.

“Well, everybody is still standing,” she says, which is pretty much the exact moment a stunner comes out of no where, and Sirius hits the ground. They all look up to find Sherlock has turned around again and looks exceptionally smug.

Sirius really should have known better than to turn his back on him, though. John thinks it’s at least a bit his own fault.

“Well then,” Lily says, “maybe not.”

**Author's Note:**

> So... there's that. More fill pieces are coming! I have one almost completely written, but I have discovered that writing Sherlock being intimidating is actually much harder than I thought it would be. Probably because I always write him when he's sulking like a child.


End file.
